Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…to plan my funeral.
Let’s face it. We are all going to die. Some sooner than others, and I constantly worry that a tragic accident will befall me and I won’t have specified the details of how I want to go out. As you can tell, I have a lot of unique hobbies and interests. My music tastes are somewhat offbeat, and my fashion aesthetic mixes between Joan Rivers and Snooki. Clearly, no average funeral will do.
Rather than have my loved ones toss together a tasteful and somber reception (is that the right word?), I think it’s important I make the decisions now just in case. Let’s be clear that I fully intend to live till 107 years old, so this is not a pathetic cry for help.
Have you seen TLC’s show “Best Funeral Ever”?
I’m not saying I want an MTV “My Super Sweet 16” kind of funeral – but I am saying that I have some particular requests. In a living state, I enjoy planning parties. In fact, I sometimes lament that I didn’t become an event planner (then I remember I only like to plan my own events), so there are some important decisions to be made.
First off, I’m not religious, so all those special rituals can be taken right out of the equation. In fact, let me clarify that I do not want any religious themes, verses, songs or icons present.
I also don’t think I want to be buried. While my ego does enjoy the idea of having a massive headstone where people have a physical place to visit me, I don’t like the idea of being shut-up in a box. I also don’t want to be pumped full of chemicals (when I’ve worked so hard to avoid them in life). In fact, that’s kind of scary; I think cremation may be the way to go. Thus my “funeral” is more like a macabre commemorative “party.” Make sense?
But at this point, there are just too many details for one post. While I would never have considered myself a “bridezilla” I kind of have a feeling that I might be a “diezilla” (get it?! HAHA!).
I’ve decided to break this goal up into a few posts. Today, we will talk about music. Of course, this will evolve over time, but right now these are my requests for the DJ. It’s my party so I can play as much Lady Gaga as I want to. Thinking about my guests, these songs are in a specific order: weepy songs for an older generation and then party music (because I know the old timers will bail early, and my younger friends will be drinking heavily and ready to party after dark).
Last Wishes Playlist*
One of These Days – Neil Young
Space Oddity – David Bowie
Dreams – Fleetwood Mac
Love is the Answer – Aloe Blacc
Wicked Game – Chris Isaak
Just Like Jesse James – Cher
Ain’t No Sunshine – Bill Withers
Careless Whisper – George Michael
I Ain’t in Checotah Anymore – Carrie Underwood
Mama’s Broken Heart – Miranda Lambert
My Rifle, My Pony, and Me – Buddy Case
Take Me Home, Country Roads – John Denver
That’s Alright Mama – Elvis Presley
Enjoy the Silence – Depeche Mode
Fade Into You – Mazzy Star
Bury Me – Smashing Pumpkins
Nodding Off – Wavves
Sleep – Nada Surf
Holiday – Weezer
Repeater – Fugazi
Last Caress – Misfits
Live Fast Die Young – Circle Jerks
Summertime Sadness – Lana Del Rey
Cry Me a River – Justin Timberlake
Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga
Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus
Die Young – Ke$ha
It Was a Good Day – Ice Cube
California Love – Tupac
The Show Goes On – Lupe Fiasco
Take Back the Night – Justin Timberlake
Tik Tok – Ke$ha
Sabotage – Beastie Boys
Telephone – Lady Gaga
Up All Night – One Direction
Borderline – Madonna
Psycho Killer – Talking Heads
Suburban Home – Descendants
Holiday in Cambodia – Dead Kennedys
City of Angels – Distillers
Helena – My Chemical Romance
Tongue Tied – Grouplove
Cannonball – The Breeders
Hybrid Moments – Misfits
Linoleum – NOFX
Reject All American – Bikini Kill
Date With the Night – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Just Dance – Lady Gaga
Till the World Ends – Britney Spears
Party Rock Anthem – LMFAO
Press Gang – Murder City Devils
American Jesus – Bad Religion
Institutionalized – Suicidal Tendencies
What Do I Get? – Buzzcocks
We Can’t Stop – Miley Cyrus
Buffalo Stance – Neneh Cherry
Ignition Remix – R. Kelly
Get Crazy – LMFAO
Let Me Know – Youth Brigade
*Feel free to karaoke any and/or all of these. It would please me to no end.