You are invited to party over my grave

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…to plan my funeral.

Let’s face it. We are all going to die. Some sooner than others, and I constantly worry that a tragic accident will befall me and I won’t have specified the details of how I want to go out. As you can tell, I have a lot of unique hobbies and interests. My music tastes are somewhat offbeat, and my fashion aesthetic mixes between Joan Rivers and Snooki. Clearly, no average funeral will do.

Rather than have my loved ones toss together a tasteful and somber reception (is that the right word?), I think it’s important I make the decisions now just in case. Let’s be clear that I fully intend to live till 107 years old, so this is not a pathetic cry for help.

Have you seen TLC’s show “Best Funeral Ever”?

I’m not saying I want an MTV “My Super Sweet 16” kind of funeral – but I am saying that I have some particular requests. In a living state, I enjoy planning parties. In fact, I sometimes lament that I didn’t become an event planner (then I remember I only like to plan my own events), so there are some important decisions to be made.

First off, I’m not religious, so all those special rituals can be taken right out of the equation. In fact, let me clarify that I do not want any religious themes, verses, songs or icons present.

I also don’t think I want to be buried. While my ego does enjoy the idea of having a massive headstone where people have a physical place to visit me, I don’t like the idea of being shut-up in a box. I also don’t want to be pumped full of chemicals (when I’ve worked so hard to avoid them in life). In fact, that’s kind of scary; I think cremation may be the way to go. Thus my “funeral” is more like a macabre commemorative “party.” Make sense?

But at this point, there are just too many details for one post. While I would never have considered myself a “bridezilla” I kind of have a feeling that I might be a “diezilla” (get it?! HAHA!).

I’ve decided to break this goal up into a few posts. Today, we will talk about music. Of course, this will evolve over time, but right now these are my requests for the DJ. It’s my party so I can play as much Lady Gaga as I want to. Thinking about my guests, these songs are in a specific order: weepy songs for an older generation and then party music (because I know the old timers will bail early, and my younger friends will be drinking heavily and ready to party after dark).

Last Wishes Playlist*

One of These Days – Neil Young

Space Oddity – David Bowie

Dreams – Fleetwood Mac

Love is the Answer – Aloe Blacc

Wicked Game – Chris Isaak

Just Like Jesse James – Cher

Ain’t No Sunshine – Bill Withers

Careless Whisper – George Michael

I Ain’t in Checotah Anymore – Carrie Underwood

Mama’s Broken Heart – Miranda Lambert

My Rifle, My Pony, and Me – Buddy Case

Take Me Home, Country Roads – John Denver

That’s Alright Mama – Elvis Presley

Enjoy the Silence – Depeche Mode

Fade Into You – Mazzy Star

Bury Me – Smashing Pumpkins

Nodding Off – Wavves

Sleep – Nada Surf

Holiday – Weezer

*Intermission

Repeater – Fugazi

Last Caress – Misfits

Live Fast Die Young – Circle Jerks

Summertime Sadness – Lana Del Rey

Cry Me a River – Justin Timberlake

Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga

Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus

Die Young – Ke$ha

It Was a Good Day – Ice Cube

California Love – Tupac

The Show Goes On – Lupe Fiasco

Take Back the Night – Justin Timberlake

Tik Tok – Ke$ha

Sabotage – Beastie Boys

Telephone – Lady Gaga

Up All Night – One Direction

Borderline – Madonna

Psycho Killer – Talking Heads

Suburban Home – Descendants

Holiday in Cambodia – Dead Kennedys

City of Angels – Distillers

Helena – My Chemical Romance

Tongue Tied – Grouplove

Cannonball – The Breeders

Hybrid Moments – Misfits

Linoleum – NOFX

Reject All American – Bikini Kill

Date With the Night – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Just Dance – Lady Gaga

Till the World Ends – Britney Spears

Party Rock Anthem – LMFAO

Press Gang – Murder City Devils

American Jesus – Bad Religion

Institutionalized – Suicidal Tendencies

What Do I Get? – Buzzcocks

We Can’t Stop – Miley Cyrus

Buffalo Stance – Neneh Cherry

Ignition Remix – R. Kelly

Get Crazy – LMFAO

Let Me Know – Youth Brigade

*Feel free to karaoke any and/or all of these. It would please me to no end.

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