Last night at dinner, my friend Courtney and I were trying to come up with a good birthday present for our friend, David. He’s not your average kind of guy. In fact, one time I even mentioned that if he had a reality show, you would think it was scripted because his daily life is unlike any other person we know. So in a birthday tribute, we decided we should share him with the world.
Happy Birthday, David. Hopefully you will still talk to us after this!
Top 10 Things to Know About David
1. He knows EVERYONE. Like seriously. Every time you go out to eat, he knows at least one person there. And it’s not like the same restaurant over and over, or the same part of town. You could randomly pick a place on a complete whim, and he will still know someone. This is also true in most public places. The grocery store. The mall. A 711 parking lot. In fact, he probably knows you.
2. Actually, he doesn’t know ANYONE. He doesn’t know that uber famous celebrity, or that song that’s been on the radio over and over and over lately. The other day he told me he literally had never heard of The Breakfast Club. When we go out to karaoke, he has this confused smile every time a new song comes up.
3. His favorite music is any club music circa 2001. Ok ok he knows some music. David is still totally jamming to any and all club hits from back when he was in college.
4. He’s a real “hands-on” kind of guy. David is a big fisherman and hunter and he makes a lot of stuff on his own. Summer with David is super fun because he’s willing to go on lots of adventures with me and Courtney. We picked berries and he built us a bitchin beach fire and he recently taught me how to go smelt-fishing. Last summer, he even made himself a pair of jean shorts. (Yes, he texted us a picture to prove it).
5. He likes to mess with people – particularly by lying. The first meeting I ever had with him, he convinced me his name was also Lindsay. Later that day I was telling people, “Yeah I met the new school counselor, Lindsay. He seems alright.” And everyone was like, “Dude, his name is David.” WTF?! And Courtney said the first time she met him, he followed closely behind her while she walked alone down a long school hallway, and he proceeded to lurk once she reached her destination.
6. He picks up roadkill. Remember when I said the reality show would look scripted? This one is totally true. We’ve seen the roadkill with our own eyes.
7. He hates condiments. Don’t you dare put mayo or ketchup on that burger! But BBQ sauce on the side will probably work.
8. He’s really good at his job. Whether it be taking care of students, or taking care of the staff, he’s always available. Courtney and I are sad we don’t all work in the same building anymore, but that’s ok – we can share him.
9. He likes to dance. This is probably because he seems to have absolutely no inhibitions at all. It’s a good thing he doesn’t drink because I’m a little scared what that might entail. Last year, our staff voted him “Best Dancer” at our end of the year party, and he even had to prove it when a drunk teacher refused to accept defeat and attempted wrestle the sash right off him.
10. He’s really into hashtags. We’ve tried to have a serious conversation with him about this, but he said he’s trying to keep up with technology so that he doesn’t get old. I guess we can handle that.
Thanks for putting up with all our adventures – #HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! #fromlindsayandcourtney #mgc