Tomorrow, I officially turn in my portfolio for my administrative license, basically meaning I complete the program. What follows is a big fancy test and filling out the license application.
That damned license I don’t even want anymore.
No really, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be a principal. I think I would probably be pretty good at it, but the last year has been a real perspective check. I’ve previously recommended a book called Do More Great Work and it asks you to list all the things that you DON’T WANT in order to glean more of what you do want. I spend SO MUCH TIME agonizing over what my career really should be, hoping it will just come to me. The only reason I became a teacher was because my Bachelor’s degree in English and Film Studies got me a really rad job doing NOTHING, so I figured teaching would be “good enough.” And it has been. But it’s left me feeling like I belong somewhere else. BUT WHERE???????? Surprisingly, that terrible boss I recently escaped from has given me some perspective.
Leading me to the things I DON’T WANT in a career.
1. I don’t want to deal with a lot of legal shit.
2. I don’t want to work so many hours I can’t exercise or hang out with my friends.
3. I don’t want to do the same thing over and over again.
4. I don’t want to sit down a lot.
5. I don’t want to work holidays.
6. I don’t want someone to make decisions for me.
7. I don’t want to be around blood, urine, or other bodily fluids.
8. I don’t want to be indoors all day.
9. I don’t want to be outdoors all day.
10. I don’t want sell people things they don’t need.
So essentially what I’m saying is, I’m Lloyd Dobler.
I find myself fantasizing about completely off-the-wall jobs.
For instance, I think I would really enjoy being the head cook at a camp. Every year that I go to Outdoor School with my students, I longingly look at the cooks and wish I was in there, making a giant vat of mashed potatoes or putting out huge trays of pancakes or washing a giant load of dishes that aren’t mine. The kids (and staff) come in cold and wet and miserable and a little homesick, but they look so relieved to sit down and have a hot, nourishing meal. That sounds like my jam.
I wonder how my interview would go…
I don’t know what my next step is. The end of this program feels like I’m on a precipice of figuring out what I really want to do, but I just haven’t jumped off the cliff yet. I might have to watch Fight Club this weekend to figure myself out.