The conversation went like this:
Me: “I know you don’t read my blog so it’s like I have to tell you things the rest of the world already knows.”
Thor: “I’ve read your blog.”
Me: “‘Oh yeah? What have you read?”
Thor: “I don’t know…stuff that I thought might be about me.”
Me: (laughing) “Well then I should just do a whole All About Thor post. It will be riveting.”
Thor: Damn straight it would.
So today I’m taking a break from talking about myself (it’s about time, right?!) and I’m gonna stick it to the man. My man, that is.
Truly, he is an enigma. He is the king of the bitchy resting face, and you’re never sure if he’s being an asshole just for the fun of it, or because he really is one. He’ll insult you the first time you meet him, but for some unknown reason you’ll like it. Then he’ll snuggle a kitten and you’re like, “Who is this guy?”
Well, he’s my husband.
Top 10 Things About Thor
1. Yes, his real name is Thor. No, he’s NOT named after the god, Thor. He’s actually named after Jim Thorpe, The World’s Greatest Athlete.
2. He’s an animal lover. When Thor and I first started hanging out as friends, he seemed like a real hardass. He would pick on me (at everyone I knew). But one time my cat jumped on the couch and I was secretly shocked when Thor totally snuggled him. He’s partial to baby polar bears, but all animals will do. Yesterday on an after dinner walk, he pointed out five baby squirrels playing in a tree. (Omg they were cuuuuuuute!)
3. He’s good at everything. Like freaking EVERYTHING. Pool, horseshoes, lawn darts, ping pong, bocce ball, juggling, pinball, card games, etc etc etc. Last Christmas my mom bought him a yo-yo (and my stupid suggestion) and within, like, 30 seconds he was Walking the Dog and doing Around the World. But don’t ask him to play anything with you, because all he wants to do is kick your ass in one round and then he’s intensely bored.
4. He never stops thinking about work. It’s a good thing. It’s a bad thing. Either way, I can’t imagine someone more devoted to their career than him. And I get to reap the benefits at the Nike Employee Store.
5. He has a prima donna sleep routine. We’re talking sleep mask, ear plugs, sound machine, window fan. A couple times we’ve gone on vacation and he’s forgotten his earplugs and it’s hell to pay.
6. He’s a cord hoarder. In every possible crevice of our house, he hoards cords. We’re talking iPhones, video games, tvs, microphones, laptops, iPads, speakers, guitars. He can say goodbye to the electronic item, BUT OOOOH NOOOO NOT THE CORD.
7. He doesn’t drink. Stop asking why; he just doesn’t, and he never will, as far as I can tell. Yes, he used to drink but not since before we were married.
8. He loves candy. What? You thought he didn’t have a vice? Last night he brought home a family-pack sized bag of Skittles just for the hell of it. When I said I didn’t really want any, he held them up and insisted, “Taste the rainbow!”
9. He also chain chews Trident Gum. It is strategically placed all over the house (and at work, I’m sure) so that he is never more than a few feet away from his precious gum. One time for Christmas, I ordered a bulk amount of Trident off Amazon and it was like the most joyous day ever. Now, he gets a regular shipment from Amazon.
10. He’s incredibly spontaneous, but you would never know it. I’m the frugal, level-headed one. Thor is the capricious, celebratory one. When it comes time to book a vacation, I hem and haw for months. Last NYE, he took me out to a fancy dinner and then when we got back, he bought tickets to Hawaii because he felt like it. One time I was at the gym, and I came home to an ENORMOUS new television. Not that he’s not good with money, it’s just that he knows when to have fun.
So there you have it. He’ll probably kill me for writing this post, but sorry Thor – you asked for it!