I.AM.EXHAUSTED.

Many people THINK they know what teachers do, but really, unless you’ve ACTUALLY been a teacher (and I’m mostly talking public school teacher), you have no idea how physically and emotionally taxing the job is. I am absolutely certain that if we didn’t get the summer off, the teacher suicide rate would be unreasonably high. Knowing that we have Summer Break or periodic holidays throughout the year is pretty much the only way we keep going. 

I guarantee you right now that if I didn’t have a summer vacation coming up, I would most certainly quit and find a different career. I’ve had a lot of different types of jobs (teaching was NOT my first choice as a career) and I enjoy hard work, but never had I had a job that was so  miserably hard. Then just when you let your guard down and feel like you’re doing something that really matters, you see a politician or a news article proclaiming that teachers don’t work hard enough, or don’t know how to do their jobs properly. (BTW this last week I worked 50+ hours but only got paid for 36).

Anyway, I’m bringing this up because when I made the goal to see a live show once a month, it really did seem realistic. One day out of 30 seemed totally doable. Now here it is mid-May and I have only seen ONE show.

Weekdays are out unless I take the next day off. It is scientifically impossible to teach 32 sixth graders all day without a break on no sleep. Really. My head would literally explode by lunch time. Friday nights are also virtually impossible because I’m so completely worn out that I just want to go home and lie face down. On my weekends, I squeeze in my workouts, getting groceries, and cleaning the house – so Saturday night is precious. Either I want to go out and sing karaoke with my pals, or I want to veg on the couch.

And you know what? I’m not going to feel guilty about it anymore. Sometimes you set a goal for yourself and then it just doesn’t pan out. The reality is that I’m just not 17 years old anymore (I’m also not a hipster that works part time in the service industry). I have made the decision that I would far rather go out and sing the same damned Lady Gaga song that I’ve sang 682 times before and listen to my friends sing their songs I’ve heard just as much, than hear some band I might not know very much about. 

Thus I’m going to put #18 in my back pocket and know that it’s there, but not worry about it for the moment. And frankly, I can’t imagine a show that’s going to top Lady Gaga (that is, until she comes to town on her next tour).

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