WARNING: This p…

WARNING: This post has little, if nothing, to do with my yearly goal. But since you may have recently read my post about karaoke in Kansas City, it feels pertinent.

You probably already know that karaoke is one of my favorite pastimes. I do not consider myself a great (or even good) singer. Frankly I prefer to see amateurs sings songs they love as opposed to some kind of American Idol performance. When people go out to a bar, they usually socialize with only the people they came with (or are hoping to hook up with) but karaoke is different because brings together a mishmash of whomever shows up: middle aged cougars, dirty hipsters, frat boys, lesbians with a love for Melissa Etheridge, corporate types…you name it. And despite the vast differences, people are laughing and clapping and dancing together like the best of friends. Here’s my solution to world peace: karaoke.

But for as much fun as karaoke can be, some of us who go out semi-regularly are damned tired of certain songs. Last night we got our friend, Courtney, to sing for the very first time (and she rocked Taylor Swift like nobodys business) and even though she’s relatively new to “scene,” she has already started noticing that certain songs get sung every night. Thus, this list is for those who know what I’m talking about, or those who are considering singing their first tune.

Top Ten Songs NOT to Sing at Karaoke:

1. “Killing Me Softy” – Roberta Flak, The Fugees, or anyone else – Beyond the fact that this song is way too long and boring, its just no fun. The people who sing this song either want to show off their amazing pipes (making the rest of us feel inadequate) or THINK they have amazing pipes because they sing it in the car. It’s just bad.

2. “What’s Up” – 4 Non Blondes – I’ve seen it sung well; I’ve seen it sung not so well; it’s all the same. Women who pick this song constantly sing the chorus so heinously loud that you have no choice but to plug your ears. Karaoke bars have cheap sound systems and when someone screams into the microphone, it makes your ears bleed.

3. “The Greatest Song in the World” – Tenacious D – Dudes, let’s admit it: Jack Black is a major sellout and his novelty wore off in 2003. I’m sooooo tired of seeing guys who think they are soooooo original for picking this song. It’s old and tired and definitely not the greatest song in the world.

4. “Quiet” – Bjork – I had this album growing up and I still think its great, but imitating Bjork is impossible! This song requires bad accents and squelching into the mic…and while girls think they are cute for reenacting Little Miss Sunshine, we are desperately waiting for it to be over!

5. “I Love Rock N Roll” – Joan Jett – I like to think that Britney Spears was the first one to ruin this song at karaoke. It’s just one of those “drunk single girl” songs that is terribly generic. Next!

6. “Brown Eyed Girl” – Van Morrison. Really? You couldn’t come up with anything else? Really?

7. “American Pie” – Don McClean – This is such an egotistical song. I love to see people get up and sing their favorite songs, but when their song is 8 minutes long I want to stab their eyes out. Thankfully I don’t see this one come up TOO often, but when it does everyone groans.

8. Anything by Nickelback – Do I need to explain?

9. Anything Disney – yes, we all loved when Ariel got her legs or when Aladdin took Jasmine on the magic carpet ride, but singing it at karaoke is so, so lame and so, so unoriginal. If I see a bachelorette party in the crowd, I can already predict that they will pick a Disney song. It’s like tattooed on their glossy, drunk faces.

10. “Sweet Caroline” – Neil Diamond – Actually, this one doesn’t bother me too much, but I know it bothers a lot of other people. And I think the only people who sing it are frat boys, so there’s that…

Do you hate me now? I hope not. This should be educational. And there are some great popular songs that people always love, like Living on a Prayer or Buddy Holly or Love Shack…but if we could just avoid those ten above, the experience would be that much more enjoyable.

2 thoughts on “WARNING: This p…

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