The Upshot

Most days of my life, I generally feel like I’m a “glass is half full” kind of person. Sometimes I like to whine about trivial things just for amusement, but when something truly crappy happens I usually think about how to deal with it in a proactive way. Thor and I like to joke that we alternate who gets hurt each year. In our six years of marriage, we have yet to go a single year without at least one trip to Urgent Care. Back in September when I first blew out my knee (and experienced the worst pain in my life), I still posted a picture on Facebook of myself giving a thumbs-up from a gurney in the doctor’s office. A former student of mine commented on the pic, “You get hurt a lot…”

This last year all of my complaints have revolved around my knee (or my boss – but that’s a whole different story) and the little stuff has barely even registered. Until today. It was an annoyingly stressful day. One of the things I do in my classroom when the kids seem particularly whiny about trivial things is pull out some worksheets I created called, “The Upshot.” It has all these horrible scenarios as sentence prompts, and they have to write an upshot. For instance, “A man is horribly disfigured in a house fire, the upshot is that….” or “A burglar has stolen all of your belongings but left your sister’s untouched, the upshot is that…” Their answers are pretty hilarious to read, and they realize how much worse things could be.

 So I’m going to vent about the things irritating me today with a dose of upshot.

1. My biggest cat, Rocket, spent the day at the vet for a ruptured anal gland. The upshot is that he got his teeth cleaned.

2. Since having knee surgery, I have had a daily breakout of hives (apparently as a reaction to the anesthesia) and it’s showing no signs of letting up. The upshot is that there have been a plentitude of coupons for Benadryl cream.

3. It’s hot and we still don’t have air conditioning. The upshot is that we have a very low utilities bill, and after two terrible summers we are finally getting some sun.

4. The other two cats are totally traumatized by Rocket’s head cone and refuse to be near him. The upshot is that all the running away is keeping them in shape.

5. Thor is out of town for Comic Con and I’m stuck at home nursing my cat’s butt. The upshot is that I only have to cook for myself…which means not at all since I’m just gonna eat a lot of candy.

6. I was supposed to see Magic Mike tonight with my friend, Courtney, but Rocket’s episode has me housebound. The upshot is that I can watch anything I want on Netflix without Thor judging me.

7. My knee is really sore today for no apparent reason. The upshot is that I can take a day off from the gym without feeling guilty.

8. Rocket’s vet bill was really expensive. The upshot is that it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than having a kid.

9. I didn’t sleep at all last night between worrying about Rocket and having totally unexplained back pain. The upshot is that I should sleep like a baby tonight.

10. I got a damned parking ticket from TWO MINUTES after my meter expired. The upshot is that I got to drive Thor’s Mustang all over town.


Here’s to tomorrow! 

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